


What should have been

by Deansimpallagrl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Drugged Dean Winchester, Episode: s02e20 What Is and What Should Never Be, F/M, Hospitalization, Marriage, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-28
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-12-25 16:35:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18265196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deansimpallagrl/pseuds/Deansimpallagrl
Summary: Dean was drugged by a Djinn.  He is caught in a dreamworld of his deepest desires.  Can Sam save him?





	What should have been

Dean is staring at the people in his life. Mom, Sam, Jessica, and Carmen. They are surrounding him and looking at him with love. It feels so real, but his brain knows it's not. His heart is drinking in the love and warmth of the moment. He doesn’t want this to end. He wants everything he is being promised by these people. The war between his heart and mind is growing. His heart says stay but his mind says you must get back. He knows that if he stays, he will die. He knows that if he leaves, he will never have this kind of peace in his life ever again. If he chooses to go back, he will suffer. He is so tired of that. Dean has always done the right thing. He saved his brother when he was 4 years old and he hasn’t stopped since. Why can’t he stop and have something for himself? Who will get hurt in this situation? Sam? He has wanted to live a normal life and go back to school anyway. The Sam here though would get married and have a family. Tears slip down his cheeks as he looks at each of these dream people. He raises the knife ready to plunge it in his heart when everything goes black. 

Back in the real-world Sam is hiding in the warehouse watching the Djinn tending to his captives. Sam almost made it to Dean hanging there before the Djinn came downstairs to check on his prey. He hid quickly hoping that he can get to Dean soon. He looks ok just sleeping hanging there. The Djinn touches the girl who is crying and mumbling sending her back into her dream state. Dean is wiggling and when he turns to Dean, Sam wants to run up and stab him. The Djinn is facing his hiding place and without Dean he doesn’t have backup. He waits until after he calms Dean and turns away before he runs for him and lifts the knife. The Djinn hears the movement and turns swinging at Sam and cuts open his arm with a blade. Sam didn’t know the he would be armed and he lunges as the monster trips falling back against the stairs. Sam plunges his knife deep in the Djinn’s chest. He twists the knife and the light goes out of his eyes. He stands panting and looks at his wound. The cut is across his bicep not too deep. It is bleeding too fast and he is feeling dizzy. If he doesn’t patch himself up, he can’t help Dean. Now that the Djinn is dead Sam has some time to fix himself then get Dean. 

Dean wakes up in his bed. Sitting up he yawns and sees Carmen watching him with a smile. 

“Hey there handsome.” She cups his cheek bringing him into a soft kiss.

“Morning. I had the weirdest dream last night.” Dean rubs his eyes and lays back down pulling Carmen over to rest her head on his shoulder.

“Tell me.” Her sweet smell makes him sigh.

“I dreamed that I was in a warehouse somewhere with Sam. There was a weird creepy guy there with blue eyes. Then you, mom, and Jessica showed up. You were trying to convince me to stay there. This seems so much weirder saying it out loud.” Dean pauses looking around the room. This feels so wrong, but he can’t place why. The dream must have weirded him out. A soft touch traces a heart pattern on his chest, and he looks down into Carmen’s beautiful brown eyes. His confusion fades as he kisses her again. 

“I have to get ready for work. You always have the worst timing. I love you” Carmen giggles and gives him one more quick kiss before getting her robe and gathering her clothes to take her shower.

Dean watches her go thinking how lucky he is to have such an awesome girlfriend. He puts his hands behind his head and lets his mind drift as the sound of the shower like rain makes him sleepy again. Next thing he knows his phone is ringing and he reaches out half awake fumbling for his cell. 

“Hello?”

“Hey, did you forget you have a job tough guy?” A gruff but joking voice comes through the phone and Dean realizes it’s Bobby.

“Son of a bitch! I’m on my way.” Dean jumps up and takes the worlds fastest shower. He pulls on his clothes and work overalls. His phone says it is 10:15am and he hurries out to his car racing her to “Singer Auto Repair” 

He rushes inside nodding at Donna who gives him the look of someone who has seen Dean do this way too many times.

“Morning, glad you could make it.” She rolls her eyes as she picks up a call.

Dean frowns and heads into the back. It’s not like he does this every day. He goes straight to the coffee he needs to get some caffeine in his system. 

“We need you today Dean. Someone brought in a ‘68 Mustang. There’s a rattle somewhere. I had a look, but I’m not sure exactly what’s causing it.” Bobby watches Dean’s brain engage. He nods when Dean walks off without a word. Dean is his best mechanic and even though Bobby is good he needs Dean for the special cases. This kid has so much potential and even if he is late sometimes, he works hard. 

Dean doesn’t get home until well after 9 pm. He worked all day just on that Mustang. It has so much wrong with it. Bobby will make a lot of money off this car. Everything was falling apart, and the owner didn’t seem to understand anything about cars. Dean spent part of his day just trying to explain to him what needed to be done. In the end Jeff ended up just telling him to get it fixed no matter what. Dean checked with Bobby to make sure that was ok and then he dug in. He is still covered in grease, but he feels amazing. Being under the hood of a car is his favorite place to be. It is like a puzzle and once you know where to find the pieces and fit them in it is magical. 

He checks his phone and sees a text from Carmen. She is picking up an extra shift and she loves him. He grins and sends her an ‘I love you’ back. He looks in the fridge and gets a beer. Bobby bought him dinner for working late. He just wants to relax with some horror flicks. Putting up his feet on the coffee table he turns on the TV and finds Night of the living Dead. He pops off the cap on the beer and drinks deep. His mind wanders as he watches thinking of Sam and his upcoming wedding. He is so excited for them. Jess is amazing and keeps Sam happy. 

Dean is nodding off when his cell phone rings him awake again. The screams from the TV make his heart pound in his chest before he realizes he left the movie on. He picks it up and is surprised to see Sam’s number.

“Hey Sam, what’s up?” Dean frowns.

“Hey, I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you after Mom’s birthday dinner.” Sam’s voice is low and sad.

“Don’t worry about it. I was just excited about your announcement.” Dean tries to be nonchalant.

“I want to get to know you better Dean. As soon as we set a date you can help me keep out of the planning for this thing.” Sam’s grin comes through in his voice and Dean feels even better.

“Great. Call me, I’ll be there.” Dean grins and feels like something shifted in his world.

“Ok, talk to ya soon, Jerk.” Sam sounds hesitant but hopeful.

“Bitch.” Dean hangs up and laughs loud and long. It’s like a light switched on in his life. He didn’t realize how dark it was around him until it flipped on.

Days went by fast after that for Dean. It was like flipping through the pages of a family album. He worked hard, loved Carmen, and talked to Sam. Months go by and they were getting close to the wedding. Dean was best man of course and Sam’s bachelor party was epic. The strip club made a lot of money and Sam had lots of chests in his face. Dean took pictures as blackmail and held onto Sam when he vomited for an hour in his bathroom. 

Dean mowed his mom’s lawn often and enjoyed her cooking for him. When the wedding day came Dean felt like he was in heaven. Jess was beyond beautiful and just seeing her made Dean have a few tears. Sam’s happy energy was surrounding him like a warm air current. It was like being wrapped up in a blanket with a puppy kissing your face. Dean grinned and slapped Sam on the back when it was all done. The music on the dance floor was loud and the joy was everywhere. Dean didn’t know what to do with all this energy. He danced and sang hugging everyone twice. He went home after seeing the couple off and took Carmen home. She had enough to drink she passed out on the way. He carried her in the apartment and got her into bed. She never woke up and Dean put water and an aspirin on the side table for her. He wasn’t sure why she got smashed. It was a tossup between wanting to be the bride and celebrating people she loves. 

Dean thinks about marrying Carmen but part of him feels like it wouldn’t work. She is perfect, sweet, and puts up with everything Dean does. His heart just feels like something is missing. He wants to make her happy, but he just can’t bring himself to go through with it. He doesn’t know how long she will put up with this, but he will do his best to keep her happy. The wedding made for some tense times, but Dean is great at sidestepping issues. As the weeks go by their schedules go on and Carmen just keeps going. It is like momentum of a clock. The pendulum swings until you stop it. 

Months go by and Sam true to his word keeps checking in with Dean. They don’t live close enough for seeing each other but they still are a part of each other’s lives. Dean is in fact one of the first people Sam called when Jess found out she was pregnant. Dean was so excited for them he sent cigars to them immediately from Uncle Dean.  
When the day came for the birth Sam called Dean on the way to the hospital and Dean talked him through being calm for Jess. The baby girl Deanna Michelle Winchester was a healthy 6 lbs 9 oz and 20 inches long. The proud parents took tons of pictures that were sent to everyone. She had Jess’s blonde curls and Sam’s green eyes. Mary and Dean flew out for a few weeks to visit. Carmen couldn’t get the time off and she wanted some space. Dean was getting worried about his relationship, but poured himself into the baby and visiting his brother. 

Dean got home and something was wrong. Carmen was nowhere in their apartment and he couldn’t get her on the phone. He was starting to panic and picked up the phone to call Sam. He hears a loud voice almost screaming in his ear. He drops to his knees and his head is pounding. The world seems to melt around him and he can hear Sam talking to him. But Sam is in California with his daughter and wife.

“Dean, can you hear me? Please wake up.” Sam is gently shaking him and pulling needles out of his body. 

Dean’s eyes flutter open and he feels pain. His body is weak, and he feels like he hasn’t moved in a long time. The cold, damp and dark warehouse around them isn’t familiar. His brain can’t let go of what he thought was real. He doesn’t understand how Sam got him here and how he was hurt.

“Sammy, why am I here? Where are jess and Deanna?” Dean feels dizzy and on the verge of passing out.

“Dean who is Deanna?” Sam sees Dean’s eyes rolling back in his head and gives him a sharp smack across the cheek. Dean’s eyes fly open and he gasps.

“I’m getting you to a hospital. You need help. Can you walk?” Sam helps him up and they manage to get to the car. Dean slides into the passenger seat and Sam drives fast. Dean passes out on the way and when he wakes up again, he is in the hospital attached to machines, but Sam is there asleep in a chair next to him.

“Sammy?” Dean is not sure what is going on, but he knows Sam can tell him.

“Hey Dean, how are you feeling?” Sam rubs his eyes and sits up in the chair watching Dean carefully.

“Confused, where was I?” Dean looks Sam over not seeing a ring on his finger.

“The Djinn had you doped up really good and when I attacked him, he cut me. I killed him but I had to sew myself up before I could get you down. The doctors say you will be fine, but you were dehydrated and losing some muscle mass.” Sam can’t feel anything but relieved. He thought he would lose Dean for a while. 

“Oh god. All of that was a dream?” Dean can’t wrap his head around it. All those wonderful things are not real? 

“All of what Dean?” Sam frowns thinking of what Dean said about Deanna and Jess.

“You married Jess and had a baby named Deanna. Mom was alive and I worked in a car repair shop with Bobby. I had an amazing girlfriend that I couldn’t bring myself to marry. You guys were happy in California and you were a lawyer. It felt like it was real.” Dean stares off remembering and feeling his heart breaking all over again. 

“Dean, wow I can’t even imagine how you must feel coming back to our lives.” Sam watches a few tears drip down Dean’s cheeks. He looks away wanting to give Dean some time to think this through.

“How did I not realize it was fake? I know there was a time I figured it out and was going to kill myself to wake myself up. I was so close then I just blacked out. I guess I got re-dosed because everything was smooth after that.” Dean can’t stop seeing his mom happy and the beautiful baby girl Sam should have had.

“At first we didn’t get along Sam. After the re-dose everything was better, and we started to get along. I think it was so I wouldn’t question it and try to get out again.” Dean feels so numb. His heart can’t seem to let go of the joy he had felt. His brain was trying to find a way to explain why he shouldn’t be sad. He was so lost in thought Sam had to gently shake him to get his attention.

“Dean, rest up and I will be here if you need me. The doctors say only a few days for observation.” Sam could tell Dean heard him, but he only nodded. 

“I am getting some food and caffeine. I’ll be back soon.” Sam squeezes Dean’s hand and goes out. Dean didn’t seem to see him leave.

Dean can see the wedding and his mom’s smiling face. The dancing and Carmen laughing so hard when she was drunk. She was always there for him. She was his cheerleader and loved him so much. He doesn’t have those things here. Hunting is a lonely life and he hasn’t tried to have a real relationship in a long time. Everything he experienced there was what he always wanted. He had never spoke any of it out loud. It was buried deep inside. When he was young traveling with his dad and Sammy, he learned quickly that having friends was bad. He had to lie and then he was gone on a moment’s notice. 

He poured all his love into his Dad and Sam. They were his focus and he just treated everyone else as disposable. When he tried to have a relationship, it backfired, and Dean never wanted to try again. Sam was his focus now. He had to help his brother and get the yellow eyed demon. His dad had gone to hell just so they could get a shot. He can’t sit here like a whiny baby. He just doesn’t want to let go of the joy he felt there. He tries to hold on to it, but it slips through his fingers like sand. It leaves a hole inside him that he desperately wants to seal up. 

Sam comes back and Dean is sleeping. His cheeks are wet, and the sorrow is still on his face even in sleep. Sam needs to find out what happened so he can help Dean. Dean always wants to take it all on himself. He doesn’t let things go. Sam knows he needs Dean to get his head back in the game if they have a chance of getting the yellow eyed Demon. Sam watches Dean sleep but he is too wired to join him. It was terrifying getting Dean to the hospital and not knowing how to fix him. Sam hates hospitals especially after their dad died in one. He never liked them but after that he remembers how he found his dad over and over. Shaking his head, he realizes he has been dozing and Dean has woken up. 

“You ok Dean?” Sam gives him a half grin trying to convince him everything is alright. 

“I don’t know how to let go Sammy.” Dean looks away as another tear falls his chin quivering. It took a lot to say that to anyone, but Sam is the only person he can trust.

“Let what go?” Sam puts his hand on Dean’s 

“The dream memories. They were so..so…beautiful.” Dean is lost in another memory trying to hang on to reality. Sam’s warm hand helps him stay tethered and he shakes himself out again. 

“I was looking into the big green eyes of your daughter. She was so perfect. I held her and smelled her hair. It made me so proud.” Dean closes his eyes.

“I had a daughter?” Sam thought Dean had mentioned it before, but he didn’t think he heard right.

"Jess was a great mom, but you insisted on changing diapers and getting thrown up on. You laughed so hard the first time she did that. You handed her to me so you could clean yourself up and couldn’t stop laughing. You were so happy Sammy. Why can’t that be real?” Dean pulls back his hand so he can wipe away the tears. He needs a moment to collect himself again.

“I wish I had seen that myself. I know it doesn’t seem possible now, but it could happen.” Sam tried to be positive, but he knows as much as Dean that it won’t. This life was not good for families. They know better than most that it is no way to raise children.

“Sammy, just don’t. I gotta shake this off. I will, and then we can get back on the road.” Dean needs to focus on the yellow eyed demon. 

“Dean, I can’t start to understand what happened. Talk to me if it helps. Rest up, the monsters will still be there.” Sam pats his hand watching Dean’s eyes close. He knows that Dean will hold on to this for a long time but if he can get re-focused it will help him do it faster. In the months to come he knows more of the memories will come out. He will learn things that will break his heart. He has always wanted a family and even the thought of a child of his makes him ache for a normal life. Maybe there is a way to get there but first revenge. 

Dean got out of the hospital a few days later and they both were ready to get back on the road. Sam is relieved to have his brother behind the wheel again and that also helps Dean’s mood. They have leads on the demon and need to get back on a hunt. They will be fine. Right?!


End file.
